Mary, you are my fashion hero.
I have not always been interested in enacting my gender role. I don’t spend time on my hair. Despite flirting on and off with makeup over the decades, it just hasn’t taken. I go through phases with my nails, stopping biting them consistently enough every few years to occasionally be proud of them and sometimes slap on a coat of polish or two. But these are always passing flings, and I don’t think I’ll ever really care too much about them.
How I dress, on the other hand, is another matter.
In school, I was part nerd, part wanna-be jock. I played sports, but also did music things and hung with a theater crowd. Aside from some truly tragic outfits (I can name them now: in 5th grade, my favorite thing to wear was a white long-sleeve thermal waffle tee with navy sweatpants -- yes, gathered at the ankles -- and black and white Airwalks. In high school, it was a navy-and-orange striped LL Bean rugby shirt with a white collar, gray sweatpants, a dusty purple hat I had knit for myself that was far too big around but also too short, and light brown suede Birkenstock clogs, which I guess have come back around to being coveted...), I think I mostly dressed for convenience, or to fit in. Athleisure-style tops or tee shirts, jeans, sneakers. Somehow I was always two steps behind, though, when I most desperately wanted to be cool. I visited Penn for a weekend during my senior year, and slept on the dorm room floor of a WJ Lacrosse alum who was a freshman at the time. It was 2003 and somehow I had made the decision to spend a weekend on a college campus without bringing a pair of jeans. When the girls asked me what I was going to wear to come out with them...I can’t even remember how that conversation went. I think I wore black Nike gym pants that zipped up at the ankles. I shudder to think of it.
Slowly, slowly, over the years I moved on slightly. But it wasn't gelling. I found myself wishing I had a personal style, a vibe, that was mine.
And honestly, I don’t know how it happened, but in the last few years, I’ve really turned a corner and built a collection of pieces I’m really happy with. Things that are really me, and look good, and aren’t what you see every day. Often, when I shop and find something new but I’m on the fence, Mary’s voice is the one I hear in my head:
Me: “I want to be cool enough to wear this.”
Mary: “You know, the way to be cool enough to wear this is to buy it and wear it.”
I took this picture of Mary on Porta 400 film in my mom’s old Canon AE-1 in Bristol, just a few hundred meters up the street from my flat. We had talked about it for a while: I wanted to practice film portraits, and Mary was game to be my model. She packed a small duffel of outfits and we set off. I didn’t have a real plan, but said I wanted to make it Bristol, capture the grit and the architecture of the place. Then, in the end, I ended up asking Mary to basically embed herself in every flowering bush we walked past. It was really hard to choose a fav but I love the intensity of this one.